No Love Lost

$2.75
That is the amount of money that I had to put in the swear jar yesterday.  However, as of 2:00 PM today, $0 is the amount! Small improvements, but improvements none the less.  Hopefully I can keep it at $0 for the rest of the day.

Yesterday my parents, Katie, and I went to DSM to help my grandparents organize their basement and to have dinner with family for my Aunt Connie's birthday (Happy Birthday Connie!).  We had a wonderful time helping family out and enjoying each other's company.  However, Pa Walt and I got into a relatively strong argument.

SIDEBAR:  Pa Walt used to have his own construction business, and I worked for him.  While working for him, he and I would would sometimes get into small arguments and yell at each other.  But no love was ever lost.  Then, a few years ago, he suffered a stroke and has never totally been the same.  At times he is his normal self, but at other times he is somebody completely different.  Often times I have struggled with the fact that I can no longer interact with my grandpa like I have always known.


Having said that, the topic of the discussion doesn't matter.  But what does matter is that I lost my patience.  I should have kept it much longer than I did.  And that disappoints me.

After the argument, I couldn't help but get incredibly upset with myself.  I also wasn't understanding why I was upset.  I had never really gotten upset with him before over a worksite argument, so why now?  But, looking back at it, I now know why I was so upset.  It was was the first time that Pa Walt and I have yelled at each other since his stroke.  I am incredibly afraid of losing him, because I love him so much, and I don't want to have something happen to him, especially if we hadn't resolved an issue that was between us.

After we left Pa Walt and Grandmommy Kathleen's place I got a phone call from Pa asking if Katie and I were coming back to their house.  I told him no, but hopefully soon.  When I asked him why he called, he just wanted to give me a movie that he thought I might like :)  When we hung up, I knew that no love was lost and that I had made a big deal out of a small argument.  The argument truly was just a worksite one, and, in a weird way, having an argument with him made him feel like he was back on the job.

Love you Pa

Until next time,
Mr. Ryan